Barbelite

Florida Water Recipe

2005-02-09T14:44:24Z

As promised to bonemother many moons ago, a recipe for Florida Water:

One ounce benzoin gum
two ounces dried bergamont
3 ounces dried cinnamon bark;
add to two pints of 75-proof alcohol and let stand nine days.

Mind you, this is taken from the Ross Heaven book, so the accuracy is a little dubious.

(Memory prompt via The Sacred Cookbook of Abramelin the Mage)

barbelite @ 2004-12-07T07:23:00

2004-12-07T12:32:38Z

This morning: a pretty half-assed LBRP and ten minutes of meditation, which made me strikingly aware of the large energy blockage at the center of my chest. My cranio-sacral therapist called it "the sheild", since it is literally sheild-shaped and protects/blocks the central area of my breastplate, including my heart. That sucker is screwed on tight.

Frustratingly, I know the inciting incident that anchors the blockage, but not how to detach it. Cranio loosened it a little, but at $90 a pop, that route is out of my reach. Perhaps reiki?

barbelite @ 2004-08-04T16:38:00

2004-08-04T20:44:41Z

Why do so many occultists feel the painful urge to design their sites with teeny white letters on a black background? Making information difficult to read is not the same as keeping it secret, folks. If you want to keep "mundanes" from dabbling in your ideas, then don't post 'em to the Internet.

Sigh. Anyway, following the lead of a BoingBoing.net article that mentions, of all things, the Voudoun Gnostic Workbook, I came across this review and this hypercube article, plus this voodootronics article which inspired the above rant. These are being posted for later reading, and may well prove to be crap.

barbelite @ 2004-07-21T12:35:00

2004-07-21T16:43:32Z

Yesterday I found an Ellegula head. I've been looking for one for several years now, but no luck before now. Further hints that I'm on the right track, or less-than-surprising coincidence, seeing as I was stopping into a botanica for hyssop and florida water? Either way, he's very cute, in a concrete lump head kind of way.

Feeling horribly stalled in all areas of my life except this one. Work is just meh; I'm sick of being a professional nag and taskmaster, tired of juggling so many little projects and racing to keep on top of things. The computer switch is still throwing me off, I feel like I need to hire someone to pay attention to my increasingly needy cat, and I'm not anywhere near to where I wanted to be at this point of my life.

Ah well. This too shall pass.

Mostly research

2004-07-20T18:52:17Z

List of Gnostic Voudoun lineage to Pope Benedict XIII

M. Bertiaux on Haiti's mystical roots, from an interview with Neville Drury:

The French occult connection in Haiti derives from two eighteenth-century mystics, Louis Claude de Saint-Martin and Martines de Pasqually. The latter was a Rosicrucian disciple of Emanuel Swedenborg, and the founder of an occult group called the Order of the Elect Cohens. He was inspired by Gnosticism and the Kabbalah, and believed that one could only gain spiritual salvation by contacting the Divine Source of All Being, and by participating in an initiation ceremony to invoke one's Holy Guardian Angel. Saint-Martin joined de Pasqually's order in 1768 and after the leader's death in 177? became the dominant figure in the group. Collectively they became known as Martinists. There were Martinist orders in several different regions of France: in Foix, Bordeaux, Paris and Lyons - and by the end of the eighteenth century, also in Haiti. However here the tradition tended to blend with Voodo

---------------------------------------------------------

From: Timeline of the Authentic Tradition

1774
20 September. Port-au-Prince. Martines de Pasqually dies. He nominates Caignet de Lestere as his successor, he also being resident in the West Indies. The Temples of the Elect Priesthood were left to their own devices, and the mighty pageant of the Strict Observance drew several under that obedience. Willermoz became Grand Prior of Auvergne, and having profited nothing in attempting to follow Pasqually's instructions concerning Ceremonial Magic, he was presumably more and more immersed in Masonry, especially in High Grade Masonry. Whatever sympathy may have existed between Willermoz and Saint Martin during the period of their correspondence had evaporated, and they went in separate directions.

1801
Port-au-Prince, Island of Santo Domingo. In the Tableau of the Members, for 1801, of the Lodge Reunion des Coeurs, No. 47, chartered in 1789 by the Grand Lodge of Pennsylvania, at Port-au-Prince, in the Island of Santo Domingo, is the following:

"Garde de Sceaux et Archives,"

"Joseph Cerneau, Marchand Orfevre, ne a Villeblerin, age de 37 ans R A R "

Antoine Mathieu Dupotet was Master of the Lodge Reunion des Coeurs at Port Republicain in 1801, and styled on the Register, Prince of the Royal Secret, when Cerneau, Royal Arch and Rose Croix, was Keeper of the Seals and Archives.

1811
New York. Cerneau established a Supreme Council. It is said of Cerneau that he was a member of the Lodge Reunion des Coeurs at Port-au-Prince, chartered by the Grand Lodge of Pennsylvania, and one of the Founders of the Lodge des Vertus Theologicales, of the Ancient Constitution of York, at Havana. While in the more secret documents of the AASR, Pike tends to give preference to the Ancient Masons, over the Hanoverians, or Moderns, it seems that with Cerneau, it is a black mark. So, if Lodge of Theological Virtue at Havana was based upon the Ancient Constitution of York, then it has some claim to antiquity which the Grand Lodge of England and the rest do not possess, since it is now a matter of history that the Ancient Masons possessed a history that can place them in existence long prior to Ashmole and company creating the associations which made the Grand Lodge of England. Ancient Masonry was pure Scottish Masonry. This is a bone of contention that will never, it seems, die down. And, Ancient Scottish Masonry goes all the way back, past the R+C, to the survivals of the Knights Templars in Scotland, in 1314, after the Order was crushed by the Church. It was probably because of this that the Union of 1813 was effected, in order to neutralize and nullify the claims of the Ancients.

------------------------------------------

From Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica Stranded Bishops

Lucien-François Jean-Maine
Since no documentary evidence is available, I only can outline the alleged history as given in several sources (e.g. listed at the end of this article.

Born in Haiti on January 11th 1869, Jean-Maine was ordained in Paris on August 15th 1899 by Paul-Pierre de Marraga (of the 'Ecclesia Cabalistica-Gnostica de Memphis-Misraim') and Manuel Lopez de Brion. [57] He was then ordained by Joanny Bricaud (or possibly 'Papus'?) in 1907 or 1908, and re-ordained by either Bricaud or 'Papus' on November 1st 1918 (or 1919). [58]

However, in none of the old French EGC/EGU- or O.T.O.-magazines is his name mentioned. [Facsimile of those magazines in "Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica"]

The successions preceding Marraga and Brion cannot be elaborated further here on grounds of space, although their line was supposed to descend from a certain "Tau Thesée I" of the 'Église Hieroglyphique des Imagiers' of 1710. [59]

Hector-François Jean-Maine
Hector-François was born in Haiti on November 18th 1924, and was ordained on January 27th 1949 by Robert Ambelain; he was ordained again on January 25th 1953, this time by his father Lucien-François, Henri Dupont, and Ambelain. Ambelain ordained him yet again on November 11th 1959; as if this wasn't enough, he was ordained into the Église Gnostique Universelle as well, by Miguel Sanchez-Marraga, José Marraga y Adhemar and Carlos Adhemar, on November 2nd 1963 - on the same day that Jose Ortier Sanchez y Marr aga ordained him into the Neo-Pythagorean Gnostic Church. Hector-François Jean-Maine received ordinations from Michael Paul Bertiaux on November 2nd 1968, and from Marc-Antoine Lully (though this time he ordained Lully in return).

Michael Paul Bertiaux
Bertiaux was born on January 18th 1931 (at three minutes to nine in the evening) in Seattle into a family of Theosophists. While his father (described as being of Anglo-Norman and French stock) was interested in Zen Buddhism, his mother (Canadian by birth) was a Spiritualist. Bertiaux studied philosophy and history at the Jesuit University in Seattle, received instruction in philosophy at Tulane University in New Orleans, and learnt about theology at the Anglican Theological Centre in Vancouver. [60]

Bertiaux was christened and confirmed as a Roman Catholic, but was ordained into the priesthood of the protestant Episcopalian Church on June 24th 1963. On August 15th that year Hector-François Jean-Maine appointed him as a bishop at the 'Arc-en-ciel' Lodge, at Petionville in Haiti. [61] At this time Bertiaux was working at Port-au-Prince as a philosophy teacher for the Church of England. [62] In Seattle he became an Anglican Church Commissioner, even though he was maintaining contacts with Voodoo priests in Haiti. Not surprisingly, he departed the Anglican fold in 1964, and moved to Wheaton, Illinois, to work for the Theosophical Society. The TS's president in America at this time was Dr. Henry Smith; both he and his wife Joanna were interested in magic and Spiritualism - Joanna was a medium. [63] Haitian immigrants began to gather round Bertiaux, and he soon devoted most of his attention to them. During the 1980's was staying in Japan, and devoted himself to the Shinto religion.

Below are enumerated the various lines of succession that Bertiaux received:
Basilides Line: 25.1.1966 from H. F. Jean-Maine und Jose Marraga y Adhemar. 10.8.1967 from Roland Merritt Shreves. 25.12.1967 from Marc-Antoine Lully. 31.8.1968 from Pierre Antoine Saint-Charles.
Valentinus Line: 29.6.1973 from Jean-Maine, Adhemar and Jose Sanchez y Marraga. 16.6.1979 from Forest Ernest Barber (Liberal Catholic Church and Mariavite Order). 14.11.1985 from Jorge Rodriguez (besides Bricaud, Blanchard, Menard, Ambelain, Mauer, Pommery, Vital-Herne, Roger Victor-Herard (according to the obituary of 16.8.89 for the "Primate of the Gnostic Catholic Church"), as well as the succession descending via Krumm-Heller, Rider, and Toca). Together with these, Bertiaux mentioned also a "Russian Orthodox from the Patriarchate of Moscow (Patriarch Tikhon to Bishop Ofiosh in 1917)". [65]

Gnostic Churches that are offshoots of Bertiaux's activities appear in Spain: Lamparter's Ecclesia Gnostica Latina with a succession from the line of S.A. Höller, Barber, and Rosa Miller. Lamparter's version of the "Gnostic Mass" was held on each "third day of the feminine menstruation", it was a performance, wherein wine (blood) and bread (semen) became magically transubstantiated. [66]

In Italy activities were expanded under the guidance of Nevio Viola (in co-operation with Roberto Negrini in the Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica Latina), or else under Paolo Fogagnolo, who had split away from his Order brethren in an attempt to build up his own international organisation; it was intended as a collaboration between all French Gnostics and O.T.O. enthusiasts. (Details on the Italian scene can be found here).

In Yugoslavia the 'Ecclesia Gnostica Alba' was led by Zivorad Mihajlovic Slavinski "Tau Orfeo Aivaz I"; he had been ordained by Bertiaux in 1977, and was appointed as X° for Yugoslavia on June 22nd 1990, by the 'Typhonian' O.T.O.'s Kenneth Grant and Michael Staley.

---------------------------------------------

From Neith Network Library

1772 Count Cagliostro visited London. An English Provincial Grand Master was appointed for Russia. Preston's Illustrations of Masonry was published. Because of the partition of Poland, most Polish Lodges were closed. Joseph Warren is said to have been appointed Grand Master for the Continent of America. Ferdinand Duke of Brunswick was appointed Grand Master of the Strict Observance. Savalette des Langes founded the Lodge of United Friends and originated the Rite of Philalethes. Conrad von Rhetz instituted an Order of Argonauts open to both sexes. The first of many Dutch Lodges was established in Cape Town. On 17 April in Bordeaux Martinez de Pasqually created Louis Claude de Saint-Martin Rose-Croix, and on 5 May left for Port-au-Prince.

1802 De Grasse-Tilly and De la Hogue founded a Supreme Council of Masonry in Port-au-Prince.

-------------------------------------

I research in between tasks at work, and this is the most convenient place to store the results. Probably not of great interest, unless you've got a yen for Masonic lineages (which I really don't, to be honest).

This is insane, but in a potentially entertaining way.

barbelite @ 2004-07-20T10:47:00

2004-07-20T15:16:14Z

Archived link: Allen Greenfield's record of Gnostic Voudoun workings, 1992-1996

Musings on what I'm shorthanding as Thelemic Voudoun are coming along nicely. I've decided to take Kraig's Modern Magick as a starting point on the ritual side, and Deren's The Divine Horsemen as the voudoun launchpad. Even if nothing comes of the system, it's a good focus for delving into the logic and structure underlying each of the systems, since trying to match across both is already demanding some mental acrobatics.

Starting with Liber Resh, since a small daily focal point is always valuable. My initial thought was Legba at sunrise, Ghede at midnight, but it doesn't really map out, since Legba (at least in the Haitian system) is an old man: late afternoon setting, rather than dawn rising. Also, the Liber Resh is strictly a Sun invocation; as such, I'm thinking it makes more sense to go with four aspects of Legba instead. Carrefoure for midnight, Legba Attibon for noon (perhaps), but I may have to look to the Santeria Orishas for a dawn/youth Legba aspect...

See what I mean? Pulling up enough detail on the Legba family to determine the right attributions may be outside the scope of research, and into the realm of diviniation, and other such dodgy tricks.

At any rate, things are coming together in way that suggests I'm on the right track, at least in a general sense. Stumbling across clues in strange places, time and resources freeing up, potent and repetitive dreams.

Most significantly of all, after more than a decade of hedging about and never quite finding the right note, I've stumbled smack into my motto. It's a precise summation of both past-path and future-focus, and it sums up nicely into an outdated girl's name: Avae.

Gnostic Voudoun

2004-07-18T13:18:35Z

“Esoteric voudoo is the science of the orientation of the temple of consciousness, which you must create with your will, mind and imagination.”
- Michael Bertaiux, Voudoun Gnostic Workbook

Yes, I'm still holding out for the reprint, although my curiosity is peaked. More than that: my imagination is peaked. I suspect from my research so far that Bertaiux is overly attached to his convictions, which will frustrate my open-minded approach (much like the way I want to smack Christopher Hyatt every time he swings into his anti-Christian blinders). His structure seems heavily dependant upon Gheude, rather than balancing the loa, and the eight directions / spider thing has an element of testosterone power-grabbing that turns me off.

Still, the basic idea makes sense: voudoun is a syncretic religion that bridges the primal energies of the Yoruban etc traditions across the Western Catholic rites. Catholic rites are mostly a watering-down of Gnostic rites for consumption by the masses, at least as I see it, so if the Voudoun system maps well onto the "hermetic lite" structure, there should be a method of mapping it onto a more complex/complete version of that structure for enhanced results.

Which is mostly a round-about way of saying that something's got to give, on a spiritual level. I feel as if I've been standing still for far too long: my daily practice keeps falling away under the pressure of my lunatic schedule, and the lack of connection is starting to errode my faith and focus.

So, an experiment. What does a voudoun tree of life look like, anyway?

barbelite @ 2004-06-14T16:12:00

2004-06-14T21:09:42Z

The past weekend bore a sensation I associate with consuming large quantities of low-grade chocolate: theoretically satisfying but ultimately disappointing, with a hollow quality that left me unsated and vaguely sorrowed.

Much of that comes down to the two sides of the 90% conversational element. Either people don't bother to ask how I am, or I'm stumped for a response when they do. I mean, I am fine, provided you discount the rushing creative highs that strike when a story is going well, and the near-crippling loneliness always hovering on the edge of my perception.

Luckily, most of them just don't ask. It makes me hate them a little bit more, but at least it skips out on the awkward pauses.

* * *

I am moon chasing sun, seeking the source of the light I reflect but can never quite catch. For brief moments we share the sky, but then I am a pale reflection, not really myself, and it never does last. I wax and wane through shadow and wholeness, always vestal, always pale with distance from my star.

* * *

I've bled once in the past twelve months, only once. Jumping from maiden to crone without the stop in between: all my children will be magical ones now.

My happiness for you is like the little mermaid's feet: it carries me into the world, it brings grace and light, song and wonder, but it daggers.

Quick update

2004-04-27T16:56:08Z

Dream recall is improving, although I'm no closer to lucidity. It's definitely easier to recall and function within dreams when I'm not exhausted, but my recent schedule doesn't provide for enough sleep-time. Or enough any-time, for that matter: work is a problem that needs to be fixed, just need to find the key to maintaining income while devoting less hours to non-productive engagements.

I've decided to take up singing lessons - Opera Sara has offered to barter with me, although I think it might be easier to simply pay her, since barter will require doubling the time investment of the original lessons. The handfasting ritual last weekend made me realize that singing is something I'd like to be able to do better, both for enjoyment and for ritual work.

John Lilly's Beliefs Unlimited exercise from Center of the Cyclone

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true within certain limits, to be found experientially and experimentally. These limits are beliefs to be transcended.

Hidden from one's self is a covert set of beliefs that control one's thinking, one's actions, and one's feeling. The covert set of hidden beliefs is the limiting set of beliefs to be transcended.

To transcend one's limiting set, one establishes an open ended set of beliefs about the unknown.

The unknown exists in one's goals for changing one's self, in the means for changing, in the use of others for the change, in one's capacity to change, in one's orientation towards change, in one's elimination of hindrances to change, in one's assimilation of the aids to change, in one's use of the impulse to change, in one's need for changing, in the possibilities of change, in the form of change itself, and in the substance of change and of changing.

The unknown exists in one's goals for changing one's self, in the means for changing, in the use of others for the change, in one's capacity to change, in one's orientation towards change, in one's elimination of hindrances to change, in one's assimilation of the aids to change, in one's use of the impulse to change, in one's need for changing, in the possibilities of change, in the form of change itself, and in the substance of change and of changing.

There are unknowns in my goals towards changing.There are unknowns in my means of changing. There are unknowns in my relations with others in changing. There are unknowns in my capacity for changing. There are unknowns in my orientation towards changing. There are unknowns in my assimilation of changes. There are unknowns in my needs for changing. There are unknowns in my possibilities of me changing. There are unknowns in the forms into which changing will put me. There are unknowns in the substance of the changes that I will undergo, in my substance after changes.

My disbelief in all these unknowns is a limiting belief, preventing my transcending my limits. My disbelief in all these unknowns is a belief, a limiting belief, preventing my transcending my limits.

By allowing, there are no limits; no limits to thinking, no limits to feeling, no limits to movement. By allowing, there are no limits. There are no limits to thinking, no limits to feeling, no limits to movement.

That which is not allowed is forbidden. That which is allowed exists. In allowing no limits, there are no limits. That which is forbidden is not allowed. That which is not allowed forbidden. That which exists is allowed. That which is allowed, exists. In allowing no limits, there are no limits. That which is not allowed is forbidden. That which is forbidden is not allowed. That which is allowed, exists. That which exists is allowed. To allow no limits, there are no limits. No limits allowed, no limits exist.

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. In the province of the mind there are no limits. In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. There are no limits.

[yoinked from this Barbelith Temple thread]

Dream Journal

2004-04-07T14:13:05Z

Since I recall dreams more strongly when I'm well-rested, I settled in early last night with a copy of Stephen LaBerge's "Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming". Pre-sleep meditation on my desire to recall dreams resulted in waking four times over the course of the night: the first time, I didn't write anything down, and so that dream was lost, but the other three I made quick notes and was able to flesh them out with added details in the morning.

Strangely, bonemother appeared in two of those three recalled dreams, and I have an impression she was also in the first, missing dream. This is strange because, as much as I like and admire Bonemother, I don't really know her very well, or interact with her often.

But then, my hermit lifestyle means that I don't interact with many people very often.

Repeated pattern in all of my dreams: frustration over not being able to find what I need, but instead only finding things that are close but not right (shoes I want to buy in all sizes except mine, scraps of paper that have already been written upon). Had a vague sense near the end of each dream that it was a dream, but nothing approaching real lucidity just yet.

barbelite @ 2004-04-06T15:33:00

2004-04-06T19:38:17Z

Continuing to feel wiped out. Work is crazy busy but I just don't want to do any of the zillion tasks set out before me. I'm cranky and cold and I want chocolate, damnit!

Symptoms which point towards a mild depression of the "I want someone to take care of me" variety. Whiney and childish, yes, but there are moments when I just get so fucking tired of having to take care of every single detail myself. And I can't even talk about it, because then people jump up to insist that I can trust them to help... but saying you want to help is a billion miles away from actually helping, and I've yet to meet the person who knows how to effectively cross that divide.

My need is a black hole, somedays.

Last night I dreamt about lizards and watches: the lizards being used to sell the watches. Warning from my totem about how I've been spending my time (in pursuit of money)? Seems likely.

Control and Precision

2004-04-05T16:08:43Z

Precision: the Bolex is not a Reflex model. Until I started playing with it on Saturday, I didn't quite realize what that meant.

Non-reflex Bolexes do not allow through-the-lens focusing. Instead, you have to measure the distance from object to camera and work out the appropriate lens and focus settings based on a series of mathematics and guides. Initially I was dismayed, although on reflection I think this is the perfect challenge. I am prone to doing things in a sloopy, untechnical manner: ease-of-use means that I can bypass learning the detail of how and why things work, but that also deprives me of the motivation necessary to push my skills and understanding farther.

The camera goes away for cleaning on Wednesday, with hopeful return the following week.

Control: My chocolate and sugar consumption has been spiralling up towards absurdist levels over the past few months. I have slipped into the habit of starting my day with intense caffiene dosing, ending it with a chocolate feast in place of dinner. As a result, my energy levels are in perpetual flux and my body is cranking up the "not happy" signals.

As a result, I've started back on Atkins. I'm not really interested in losing weight, just kicking the sugar/caffiene crutch. Without the focus of a disciplined diet, it's too easy for me to indulge "just this once", without acknowledging that once=every night. There are some slight cravings, but I've cut back to half a cup of coffee already and the headache is minimal. I figure I'll give it a week and then re-evaluate if I'm happy with the process.

barbelite @ 2004-04-02T09:42:00

2004-04-02T14:39:44Z

Maya Deren on At Land:
"The universe was once conceived as a vast preserve, landscaped for heroes, plotted to provide them with appropriate adventures. The rules were known and respected, the adversaries honorable, the oracles articulate. Today the rules are ambiguous, the adversary is concealed in aliases, the oracles broadcast a babble of contradictions. One struggles to preserve, in the midst of such relentless metamorphosis, a constancy of personal identity."

I like this quote, although I object on two points: constancy of personal identity is less of a critcial goal than constancy of archetype, and the landscape hasn't changed, only our capacity to interpret and interact with it within that meaningful context.

barbelite @ 2004-04-02T08:53:00

2004-04-02T13:58:00Z

Watched House of 1000 Corpses last night, which completely fell flat for me: at no point did I give a damn about any of the characters, either good or bad, which made the film an exercise in dislocation.

Also watched two of Maya Deren's short films: Meshes of an Afternoon and At Land. The later was especially striking for me: I love Deren's disjointed narratives, although her editing is too distended for my hyperkinetic 21st century media velocity. It astonished me how often the shots, framing and narrative themes in At Land matched the footage I shot in Nevada/California last fall.

Also amazed at how creepy the mirror-faced figure in Meshes of an Afternoon remains after 60 years: far more disturbing than the overt gore of Rob Zombie's work, certainly.

Picking up the Bolex tonite: feeling a temptation to have the phrase "Speed Stop Focus Finder Motor" tattooed on my left inner forearm in white, but I know that's mostly because I'm itching for fresh ink, despite having no fixed ideas about what I really want. Aside from white, that is. All white: ghost spirals of almost invisible messages pressed into pale flesh.

Ritual Object Dedication

2004-04-01T19:17:21Z

The real reason I wanted to keep this job: they play The Cure on the office stereo system. And not just any Cure, but old skool Cure. Faith-era Cure. I'm trading off about $6K a year for decent backgound music.

Yes, I am crazy. But I'm also right.

Picking up the new camera tomorrow night. Excited and nervous: hoping the camera is as functional as described, eager to start playing with it.

Also trying to figure out the right timeframe and techniques for consecrating the camera. Where does it fall into the elemental division of ritual objects: Air for Sword and the intellectual process; Water for Cup and the subconscious capture of flow through image; Fire for Wand, transformation of Will into Being through Action; or even Earth for Discs, the artifact of dream made physical.

Musing on Cinema as Advanced Time Theory

2004-03-31T16:48:57Z

24 frames per second becomes continuous motion under the human gaze, specific instants that we mistake for a connected flow. Animation forces the artist to consider all aspects of each moment, each frame carefully created and isolated as a distinct Now within the film's flow.

Julian Barbour models a universe where time is a function of perception, a misundertanding of the individual Nows that are in fact timeless and eternal. Change, not time, is primary.

Animation is the process of controlled change: each frame a slight shift, a minor modification which leads the audience to the illusion of time where it does not exist. Film as quantum modelling of the universe: an overlay of eternal Nows into a linear flow that can be dissected and rearranged at will through the process of editing.

barbelite @ 2004-03-30T17:14:00

2004-03-30T22:11:51Z

"More than anything else, cinema consists of the eye for the magic — that which perceives and reveals the marvelous in whatsoever it looks upon."
- Maya Deren
This camera was made in 1947 (based on the serial number), the same year that Deren began shooting the footage that would eventually be edited into The Divine Horsemen. And now, it's going to be mine.

Speed Stop Focus Finder Motor

barbelite @ 2004-03-29T11:53:00

2004-03-29T17:26:52Z

Mom bends over the roses with a hopeful gleam in her eyes, reading wedding invitations in the folded open petals. "Oh, are these from an admirer?"

"Yeah, me."

I've gotten more flowers from myself than I ever have from the men I've dated. Hell, I've given more flowers than I've gotten, if you count daisies drunkenly pulled up by their roots, petals and dirt mixed into the bedsheets in the morning.

Starting to let go of doing and focus more on being. If nothing else, my stress levels have reduced dramatically. Although I'm still dreaming about film non-stop, there's less failure and more just mucking around.

Posit: Crossing the Abyss is not a phase one passes through, but a state of awareness that one learns to integrate. Most people seem to approach the Abyss as something to be passed through to the "other side" where the Abyss does not exist, but that's a dualist separation of experience into Abyss and Not-Abyss. If duality is illusion, then the Abyss is perpetually present - and the processing of Crossing could more accurately be described as adding another layer to the hologram of your individual, known universe.

Being in public places has become increasingly disorienting over the past week. Unless distracted by conversation, I am frequently overwhelmed by a sense of connectedness, the lack of separation between my Self and the local Non-Selfs is disconcerting. Not telepathy or other parlour tricks: just a perpetual sense that there is no difference.

barbelite @ 2004-03-20T11:32:00

2004-03-20T16:48:14Z

The more I remember about my dreams, the less I'm sure that I want to recall them clearly: it's all serial killers and failed film projects so far.

Also: eight and a half months. I'm starting to wish that I'd made that celibacy oath official, instead of just contemplated. At least then I'd have an excuse aside from lack of libido and interesting opportunities.

My Mom says I'm hot.

barbelite @ 2004-03-19T10:04:00

2004-03-19T15:27:37Z

Aujourd'hui est St. Joseph Expression de la juridiction Legba: tonite's plans involve candles and carpentry, as appropriate. My Poppy (maternal grandfather) was a carpenter, and I traditionally honor him during Ghede work, but the father/carpenter connection seems like a nice linkage.

Besides, I miss my Poppy. Always.

Tomorrow is Legba Zaou, which traditionally involves the sarcrifice of a black goat. I could probably get away with giving Standley a ritual blow job, but I'm thinking the animal sacrifice would be a lot more appealing. Hrm... maybe there's somewhere in St. Laurence Market where I can snag some goat meat.

Finally got around to digging out the copy of Milo Riguad's Ve-ves: Diagramme Rituels du Voodoo from the Reference Library. I'd thought it was French-only, but the text is trilingual, with a couple of brain-bending essays on the geometric structure of veves. Also, someone has gone through the French text and added "corrections" and comments - going to have to brush up on my francais in order to assess their notes.

On a personal level: annoyed by almost everyone these days.